Work-life balance reminds me of Cirque Du Soleil

Picture this:

A woman walking a tightrope 50ft above the crowd. She needs perfect balance to reach the other end of the rope and she achieves this balance by sheer concentration and tightening and relaxing the muscles all over her body. It’s a stressful performance — especially knowing that even a minor error or loss of concentration could result in sudden death.

Trying to achieve work-life balance can also stressful

While it won’t necessarily lead to sudden death, it can be pretty harmful to your health. I’ve seen countless people get strung out because they fear they don’t have the perfect work-life balance they seek.

Like a coaching client…

“So, tell me, what do you want to achieve?” I asked her at our first session.
“Well, really I just want to get a work-life balance,” she responded.
“Hmm, and what exactly is a work-life balance?”

Like many others, she seemed confused about work-life balance

She mumbled something about, “having more time for herself” and then confessed she didn’t really know. I told her I thought the work-life balance struggle was a cause of angst for many people. That, in trying to achieve it, she was just setting herself up for failure and creating undue stress and anxiety. She looked stunned.

You’ll see the problems as soon as you examine the phrase

“I want to achieve a work-life balance.”

There are some interesting assumptions buried within the language of the statement:

The main assumptions are

1. Work and life are separate from each other.
2. Work-life balance is possible.
3. Work is something that exists apart from life.
4. Life is something that exists apart from work.
5. A balance is achievable — and desirable.
6. The person doesn’t currently have a balance.
7. There are only two ways to classify activities.

Let’s delve a little deeper

Let’s look at each assumptions and notice how unrealistic it is to strive for balance:

1. Work and life are separate from each other

• Do you not experience ‘life’ while you’re at ‘work’?
• Do you ever ‘work’ outside where or what you officially designate ‘work’ to be? For example, if I’m weeding the garden, sweeping the yard, washing dishes or ironing clothes, that’s all ‘work’ to me. Those things are also part of ‘life’ — rather than separate from it.

2. That work-life balance is possible

Let’s check if it is.

Make a note of all the things you do in a day and the amount of time you spend doing them.

Example:

• Sleep – 8 hours (as per health recommendations)
• Preparing meals and eating – 1.5 hours
• Cleaning teeth – 2 mins x 2
• Exercising – 1 hour
• Travelling – 30 mins
• Talking, texting, social media  – 1 hour
• Washing/showering/ablutions – 30 mins
• Watching TV – 1 hour
• Physically at ‘work’ – 8 hours
• Spending time with partner and family – 2 hours
• Household chores – 1 hour (see – why do we call them chores if they’re not part of work?)

Now categorise each into work or life

The example list adds up to 24 hours and 34 minutes. And most of us fit many more activities into our day. Undoubtedly, we would each classify those activities differently. For some people exercising is work, while for others it is life. There could also be disagreement about where travelling fits in to this illusional work-life balance.

Can you multitask and still achieve a work-life balance?

Even if you can overlap some activities on the list and multi-task, there are several activities it wouldn’t be cool or even prudent to combine: cleaning teeth and eating, for example. That could get a bit messy!

Sleeping while at work wouldn’t be a good look either. And texting or consuming social media while travelling could be somewhat counter-productive — as well as unlawful, unless, of course you’re a passenger.

When you can combine two tasks — such as watching TV and eating — how do you categorise each activity?

What about the time you’re asleep? Presumably sleeping is not work, so it must be life!

“But it wouldn’t be much of a life if you slept all the time!”

When you’ve classified each of the activities into work or life, do the number of hours spent in each balance? Do they even add up to 24?

3. Work exists apart from life

Perhaps one of the issues we need to confront is how we think about work. For example, at the moment I’m writing this article. Is it work? Well, some people would probably say yes. But, I’d much rather be writing than pulling out weeds, sweeping the yard or ironing. It doesn’t feel like a chore because I’m enjoying what I’m doing.

So maybe I should include it in the life category?

4. Life exists apart from work

If you feel you live only when you’re not at work, then it’s surely time to change your work. If you work 40 hours a week and consider that time not to be part of life, how does this thinking affect your general health and well-being?

5. Such a balance is achievable — and desirable

See numbers 3 and 4 above.

6. The person doesn’t currently have a balance

They’re probably entirely strung-out from trying to attain it.

7. There are only two ways to classify activities

This is a big issue.

It should probably be number one. Trying to fit every aspect of existence into only two categories is filled with risk, as evidenced by number two, above.

We have several facets that make up our lives; the various roles we play such as parent, child, sibling etc, our work role and perhaps, a variety of community roles. Apart from these functions, we, no doubt have spiritual, sexual, social and physical dimensions to our lives. How do we group these into the work or life categories?

OK. Here are some ‘stupid questions’ for you to ponder:

If you fully enjoy your work as much as anything else you do, does that mean you should stop work and do something else — related to life — that perhaps you don’t enjoy, so that you can achieve that elusive balance?

• If you don’t enjoy your work, why on earth are you doing it?
• What makes up the ‘life’ part of the work-life balance for you?
• What makes up the ‘work’ part of the work-life balance for you?
• Is it realistically possible, sustainable and desirable to attain this work-life balance?

Work-Life balance doesn’t have to feel like a tightrope walk

Here are some potentially different ways to think about work and life

Even thinking differently about work and life can make a huge difference to how you experience it.

1. Stop trying to separate work and life

You’ll have noticed how much extra stress that adds.

2. Accept that you will be out of balance most days — and that it’s perfectly OK. 

It’s more than Okay – it’s completely natural to be out of balance in how you run your life. Imagine how regimented and stressed you’ll become trying to maintain this mythical balance.

3. Make sure you love all aspects of your life

If you must divide activities, try ways that make more sense. Who said everything had to fit into work or life anyway? I think that most of us are searching for a sense of flow — so we’re happy, creative and productive. Then any previously perceived boundaries dissolve. When you’re living as an authentic expression of yourself, in alignment with your values, in an environment that nurtures you, almost everything you do is an expression of who you are.

4. Focus on being present

Find ways to enjoy every moment you have, and be grateful for life itself.

5. Make the time for self-care

Take care of your own needs first where possible. Give your state of being the highest priority. Check in with yourself regularly, throughout the day, and take some time out to reconnect with your inner being.

6. Use common sense

Have consideration for the important others who participate in your life’s journey.

7. Take a longer-term approach to work-life balance

Stop worrying about walking the tightrope of perfect work-life balance on a daily or weekly basis. Accept that you’ll be out of balance in some way for most of the time in the short-term. (For example, you might work 60 hours for three weeks on the trot to finish a project at work, but then take a mini break for five days).

8. Be aware of the language you use to describe your experiences or desires

Language has huge power over how you feel — choose your words wisely.

O.K. Now Spread The Word!

The sooner the majority of us stop this work-life balance nonsense, the sooner we’ll be able to get off the tightrope, let go the stress, chill out and enjoy the many and diverse aspects that make up our lives.

Note: If you’re struggling with living the life you’d prefer, or feel as if you’re sabotaging yourself, I can help with some SHIFT Coaching.

If this post got you thinking about how you categorise the different elements of your life, feel free to share it with someone else who might find it useful. You might also enjoy this post, Nothing’s Wrong… So Why Does Everything Feel Wrong?

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I’m happy to acknowledge that not every aspect of life is light and joyful. Most of us have tasks we’d rather not have. I tell myself  they are character building and notice their importance to my overall well-being. What about you? I’d love to read how you structure aspects of your life.

Please comment below

Tags: Authenticity, Health and wellbeing, Language, Self-awareness, Thinking and mindset