Ho Ho Hold it Together: A Guide to Overcoming Christmas Blues


Tackling and Triumphing Over the Christmas Blues

Not every Christmas is a merry symphony of jingle bells and laughter. If you find yourself in a festive funk, humming the Christmas blues instead of the usual holiday tunes, welcome to the club! Fret not! We’re going to unwrap the mysteries and deliver some useful strategies for feeling better — with no tinsel or sticky tape.

While Christmas is usually associated with the red and green of holly, and snow white (not THE Snow White — come on, you know what I mean!) for a lot of people Christmas has another colour associated with it, blue. And not just one blue but THE blues (no — not the football team!)

If you’re one of these people (or you know someone who is) this blog post is for you — to help you get out of the blues and into a brighter frame of mind, surrounded by more uplifting colours.

What brings on the Christmas blues?

The Christmas blues can be brought on by any number of Christmassy activities. Activities that, for others, seem to spell happiness and joy. It can be hard to admit that you’re just not ‘feeling the love’ when those around you seem to be full of festive season delights. You might put on that happy smile — after all you don’t want to be the local grinch — but deep inside you’re feeling anything but gladness.

I’ve worked with many people who have suffered from the Christmas blues

These are some of the things that might trigger a less-than-merry state, followed by some solutions that will put the joy and peace back into the joyful, peaceful season.

1. Missing a dear friend or relative

Christmas Blues, Missing someone. Woman look at waves on a beach.

Normally a time when families and friends get together, Christmas could very well remind you of dear friends or family members who have passed on and drive you into a sorrowful state.


Acknowledge your loss. Trying to put on a happy face for the benefit of others is like putting a band-aid over a gaping wound; it’s cosmetic and has no impact on the healing. So acknowledge your loss — initially to yourself. Take time to remember the person who is no longer in your life.

Experience your grief

You can do this by lighting a candle and sitting quietly, being grateful for all the joy the person brought you. Remind yourself of the positive impact they had on your life. Crying can be cathartic.

Remember that a part of that person is still alive within you

If you feel comfortable, it can be useful to talk about your grief with other people who knew the person you’re grieving. Most likely they feel the same way as you. I’ve met whole families who are ‘being strong’ for one another, when individually they’re falling apart. Let supportive friends know how you’re feeling.

Think about how you’d like to spend Christmas this year, and then make some plans to make it happen.

2. You or other members of your family have moved away and the family can’t all be together

As children grow it’s inevitable that they’ll eventually leave home and perhaps start having their own families. While life involves constant change, Christmas is a time that is often associated with happy childhood memories of safety, security, togetherness and love; values that many of us share and long to rekindle.


While it’s not always possible for families and friends to physically be together on Christmas Day, connecting by phone, Skype, FaceTime or Zoom is workable for many. Scheduling a call means you can see each other even if you can’t touch. I know some families that organise to open presents while on the call, so they can see each others’ reactions.

3. Strapped for cash

The season of giving doesn’t come cheap, and it seems to get more expensive every year. Being short of money to buy presents and the extra food that seems to be a central part of Christmas, can prove extremely stressful. TV advertising can make you feel compelled to buy gifts — or feel guilty if you can’t afford them. Children may add extra pressure by demanding the latest, greatest gadget that all their schoolmates are getting.

This nagging can lead to other problems (see below) and a tendency to overspend or go ballistic with the credit card. Any counselling or budgeting service will tell you that their greatest influx of clients is at the start of a new year when Christmas spending catches up with the credit card bills. Without the money to pay for them, people sink into depression and overwhelm.


Leave your credit cards at home when you go shopping! Yes, O.K. take your credit cards, but plan ahead how much you’ll spend, so you know what to expect when the credit card bill arrives. Stick to it — or instead of Christmas Blues, you’ll have January jitters!

Children are resilient and will get over not getting exactly what they want. If you can’t afford what they’d like, explain the situation to them in advance. If they really want something and they’re old enough, encourage them to find ways to earn the money for themselves; you’ll build their sense of being responsible for their own lives, and they will appreciate their purchase that much more.

Look for ways to make Christmas affordable:

Can you make gifts for Christmas? What food can you make instead of buying it ready-made from the supermarket? Smaller children will delight in making Christmas goodies that they can wrap and give as presents to aunts and uncles. It gives them such a sense of pride.

Planning ahead of time can make a big difference. Set up a direct debit system for next year where a portion of your money goes into a separate Christmas account (even $10 a week will give you an extra $500 to spend come the festive season)

Agree to an amount you’ll spend on each person and then stick to it. Try to buy presents at different times of the year. This way you avoid having to spend mega-bucks all at once.

Play the Secret Santa game

Play Secret Santa

This way, each person buys just a single gift. If you’re not familiar with this concept you’ll find all the details here.

Tell the people you normally buy for that you won’t be buying expensive presents this year. Do you really think your nearest and dearest would want you to experience financial hardship on their behalf?

4. Worrying about what the new year might bring

Do you look back over the past year and berate yourself for not having achieved as much as you’d hoped? Do you compare your achievements unfavourably to the achievements of others? Or do you worry about what next year might bring; how secure your job might be, how mortgage rates will affect you etc? Indulging in any of these activities is likely to make you feel deficient!


Look at what you have achieved given your circumstances of the last year. Be realistic. Don’t compare your achievements with the likes of Richard Branson or Oprah Winfrey who have billions of dollars at their disposal!

Be genuinely grateful for what you have. Look around and remind yourself to be grateful for the people in your life, your home, your neighbourhood etc. How many things can you find to be grateful for?

Make some positive plans for next year

This post will help: How To Develop Tiny New Habits, Change Unwanted Habits And Achieve Your Goals.
How about treating yourself to my Goal Setting Book? It comes with a free workbook, so you don’t have to write in your book if you prefer to keep in unmarked.Goal Setting Book

 “I love the book!”

“It is so thorough and peels back the layers of goal achieving (the setting part is easy). I bought another because I wanted my friend to get the same excitement and motivation that I got from it.”

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“Go for it!”

“Easy to understand and easy to do. A wonderfully practical and funny guide to achieve your dreams. Go for it.”

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Remember, you can’t change the past, you can only learn from it. So learn what you can and move on. You don’t know what the future will bring, so worrying about it is counter productive. Focus on the present — it’s all you have in reality — and it’s a real gift. 😜

5. Watching too many Christmas movies and listening to Christmas songs

These inevitably end with everyone living ‘happily ever after’, which is clearly not always the case in real life. Christmas songs are famous for their ability to anchor you back into happy childhood memories and, therefore, remind you about how much life has changed — for better or worse.


Notice yourself getting anchored into these negative states. Create another anchor for yourself that will get you into a better emotional state. See 7 Super-Easy Tips To Cheer Yourself Up Fast — Using Only Your Body And Mind as well as 7 EXTRA Ways To Be Cheerful – In 5 Minutes Or Less. Or just search the website for ‘anchoring’ for more instructions.

6. Feeling stressed from trying to meet your obligations

There are always extra commitments at Christmas time. But, does everything really need to be done, and everyone visited, in the space of a few days?


  • Find a way to take a bit of time out. Even if you can find 15 minutes to go for a walk in the park or on the beach you’ll find it easier to face your Christmas responsibilities on your return.
  • Delegate some chores to others wherever possible.
  • Say ‘No’ occasionally — unless you’re superman or superwoman.
  • Pace yourself so you can genuinely enjoy the season and the people. Otherwise, you’ll end up joining the masses who are worn out, resentful, and just glad when the whole thing’s over!

Still feeling Christmas blues?


Please Yourself!

Find something that you really want to do over Christmas:

to in the Marlborough Sounds, NZ

  • Go on holiday.
  • Read a book.
  • Head to the beach/hills/bush.
  • Stay in bed all day.
  • Lock the doors and pretend you’re out!
  • Volunteer somewhere to help others have a nice time.

And do it!

Change the colours

No-one wants the Christmas blues. You can change the colours by changing your thinking.

Try this simple process:

  1. Think of a time when you’ve felt really happy (any time will do).
  2. Notice how you represent that memory in your mind (what image do you have, what sounds are associated with the image, and what are you saying to yourself?) Make a mental note of these things. Notice where in your body you feel happy. Concentrate and gradually and intentionally extend the area of happiness to encompass your whole body. As the feeling of being happy peaks, press the thumb and middle finger of your non-dominant hand together to anchor the positive state. You can repeat this step if you want to, each time noticing more detail and increasing the level of happiness so it’s really strong.
  3. Stand up and walk around for a minute or two and have a stretch.
  4. Now think of a Christmas situation that makes you feel sad. Notice the colours of the image you have associated with it. Press your thumb and finger together again and notice what happens!

Here are those main Christmas Blues inducing scenarios again

  1. Missing a dear friend or relative
  2. You or other members of your family have moved away and the family can’t all be together
  3. Strapped for cash
  4. Worrying about what the new year might bring
  5. Watching too many Christmas movies and listening to Christmas songs
  6. Feeling stressed from trying to meet too many obligations

There are other articles on this site that will help you get in a more colourful frame of mind, a better mood and lose those Christmas Blues.

Here are a few to get you started:

Things Are Looking Up! How Eye Movement Can Jazz Up Your Mood

How Tender Self-Compassion Heals A Wounded Heart

How to Create Instant Confidence (Or any other useful state)

3 Steps To Stop People Pushing Your Buttons

7 Courageous Steps To Handling Failure

You want to feel peaceful, happy and relaxed

If you’re feeling upset, resentful, frustrated, angry or any number of other negative emotions, it won’t be a good Christmas for you or any of those around you. So take control of your mood and choose a wonder-filled, Christmas.

P.S. Check out The Calm Spot, guaranteed to chase away those Christmas blues and have you relaxed and ready to face the silly season in 7 minutes!

Tags: Fun and laughter, Goals, Health and wellbeing, Managing mood and emotions, Thinking and mindset


  1. KK

    I love this post – you’re spot on! I’m warming up now but have definitely had years when Christmas was just not doing it for me. Love to all those in that camp this year x

    • Stephanie

      Thanks, KK, I’ve felt the same at various times in my life too. And, even though I’ve been in New Zealand longer than I was ever in the UK, the first thing that springs to mind when I think of Christmas is snow! 🤣


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