3 Easy Methods To Deal To Painful Memories


You don’t have to suffer from debilitating painful memories

Many people believe that the mental, emotional and sometimes physical suffering that results from painful experiences are part of their lot in life. They feel condemned to relive them, over and over. But nothing could be further from the truth.

Memories only exist in your mind

I know this might seem like a flash of the blindingly obvious for some people. Yet for others, memories remain as tangible events that have an ongoing and debilitating impact on their day-to-day lives.

And that’s where the problem lies

Memories are really just a collection of thoughts, feelings and meanings attributed to an experience or an event. However, they can lead to neurological harm.

Repairing the damage

Just as our physical bodies repair themselves after an injury, you can also repair any neurological pain caused by trauma.

How terrifying memories become traumatic

Recognising that it’s what you’re doing in your head that’s causing the upset feelings in your body, is the first step towards getting any associated problems resolved. Dreadful memories become more traumatic in the replaying of the incident. In effect, the person re-traumatises themselves by replaying the memory.

Understanding this means you no longer have to live in a kind of ground-hog-day-esque fog where you’re condemned to regurgitate unwanted memories for the rest of your life.

Traumas, as well as phobias, are extreme examples of painful memories. But you can change unwanted recollections quickly using a variety of simple NLP techniques.

Here are three

3 ways to get rid of painful memories

The first focuses on your self-talk or internal dialogue, the second on the emotions and feelings (kinaesthetic) and the third is a visual technique that you would be best to get resolved with an NLP Practitioner.

1. Talk it out

(From Nick Kemp)

  • Notice how you talk to yourself about the memory and the speed of that internal speech.
  • Determine what it is you say as you remember the troubling memory.
  • Then say the same thing but v-e-r-y —s-l-o-w-l-y – with 1 or 2 seconds between each word – while replaying the visual memory.
  • Repeat several times, increasing the gaps between each word every time you re-member it.

2. Spin it out

(From Richard Bandler)

Notice the feeling you have when you think about the memory.


  • Where in your body the feeling begins.
  • Where it seems to exit
  • Notice if the feeling spins clockwise or anti-clockwise.


  • Reverse the spinning so that the feeling moves in the opposite direction.
  • Add a calming colour to the reverse spinning.
  • Increase the speed of the spinning.

Check how you feel now.

3. Get some helpShift Coaching

The NLP phobia or trauma cure will make quick work of painful memories. As I mentioned before, this is best done with a qualified NLP Practitioner. If you’d like some coaching to resolve anything of this nature, try my SHIFT Coaching which can be done via Zoom or face-to-face in Raglan.

Regret, guilt, anxiety?

Perhaps painful memories aren’t an issue for you, but maybe you’ve done something you regret or feel guilty about. Or maybe you worry about the future and suffer from anxiety? Remember, the cause of the feelings relates to what you’re doing in your head. And you have the power to change what you’re doing in your head. Try the above techniques on those emotions and associated memories as well. Get in touch if you’d like some help.

Critical points to remember

How you’re feeling about a troubling past event is attributable to your present thinking about it. The quality of your feelings will reveal what you’re doing inside your mind. With any of these three keys, you can unlock the problem, shine a light on the issues affecting you, and find your way out of the dark. Try them out and please leave some feedback below.

Tags: Change, Health and wellbeing, Learning and memory, Managing mood and emotions


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