I was planning to talk about curiosity

I had a radio interview with Aaron. I’d made a few notes — with headings even, of aspects I thought we could cover. (Anyone who knows me knows that’s serious preparation!)

Fifteen minutes later…

we’d somehow wandered off track, through local body politics, rates, planning decisions, human behaviour, community dynamics and why people become entrenched in their positions… not exactly fodder for a podcast on my website.

I kept trying to steer us back.

Aaron kept asking another interesting question.

Which led to another.

Which led to another.

As I attempted to get us back on track, Aaron reminded me we had one minute left. Wrapping up a 40 minute discussion, Aaron looked at me and laughed, “Hmm… what happened?”

And I realised we’d unknowingly demonstrated the very thing we’d intended to discuss.

Curiosity doesn’t always follow a straight line

Question.
Answer.
Next question.
Next answer.

But that’s not how it works at all.

Curiosity behaves much more like a puppy

You throw it a stick.

Halfway towards the stick it spots a butterfly.

Then a rabbit.

Then a fascinating smell.

Twenty minutes later it’s in somebody else’s garden wondering how it got there.

Curiosity isn’t just an attitude. It’s a neurological state.

When we’re curious, our brain starts listening instead of busily preparing our next argument.

We become explorers instead of judges.

Our attention shifts.

We start noticing things we would otherwise have missed.

What if curiosity is one of the healthiest mental habits we can develop?

Not intelligence.

Not confidence.

Curiosity.

Genuine curiosity follows lines of thought

“That’s interesting…”

I say that — a lot. Why?

Because I find people, the way they think, the way they express themselves intensely interesting. I’ve always been fascinated by why two people can experience exactly the same event and walk away with completely different stories.

One sees opportunity.

The other sees disaster.

One hears criticism.

The other hears helpful feedback.

That fascinates me.

I want to explore and find out more.

Especially when I might not share their opinion. “That’s interesting…” makes me pause and be curious.

Those two words don’t agree.

They don’t disagree.

They simply create space.

Space to think.

Space to notice.

Space for another possibility.

Not permanently.

Just long enough to gather more information.

That’s what detectives, scientists, good coaches, expert interviewers do.

And that’s exactly what Aaron did.

He didn’t start with conclusions.

He started with questions.

And then it got me thinking

Instead of trying to become happier…

• more confident…
• less anxious…
• more successful…

…what if we simply became more curious?

Because curiosity changes the quality of every experience.

It could be a new, gentle superpower.

Imagine…

Curiosity instead of judgement

Often, when we hear something we have a different opinion about, we judge the other person — or what they’re saying as wrong. Curiosity gets shut down.

The end.

Talk to the hand.

No opportunity to hear a different opinion — which might result in us changing our own.

Curiosity instead of certainty

The moment we become certain…

we stop looking. We stop learning.

Ask questions instead

Be that five-year-old again. But just remember:

Ask one question at a time. One good question you’re genuinely curious about. Not just phrased so you can shut the other person down once you hear their answer.

Five questions create an interrogation.

Now, what if we started being curious about ourselves and our own ways of thinking?

Curiosity instead of self-criticism

Our brains love to make up stories — which we then start believing:

Someone frowned as they walked towards you

You decide they don’t like you.

You start avoiding them.

But what if you were curious about your own interpretation of their frown?

Instead of
“They obviously don’t like me.”
it asks
“I wonder what else could be going on for them?”
Instead of
“OK, so I’ll avoid them.”
it asks
“That’s interesting… I wonder why I reacted like that?

Notice how curiosity slows the brain down.
Judgement speeds it up.

What if you were to question your interpretations?

• What else could be true?
• What are you assuming?
• How do you know?

These types of questions help us challenge the less-than-useful meanings we’ve attributed to other people’s behaviour.

Curiosity in conversations

Imagine replacing

“I know exactly what you mean.”

with

“Tell me more.”

Or

“I disagree.”

with

“That’s interesting. I’m curious about how you came to that conclusion?”

Suddenly conversations become discoveries instead of debates.

Given the world at the moment, that’s quite a powerful thought.

Curiosity isn’t about doubting everything. It’s about recognising that there is almost always more to discover.

Today, you could become fascinated with yourself

Notice how many times you’re absolutely certain about something.

What annoys you

What delights you

What you assume.

What you avoid.

The stories you tell yourself.

And every now and then simply ask…

“Isn’t that interesting?”

Then quietly ask yourself, “I wonder what else could be true?” You don’t have to change your mind. Just become curious enough to look through another window for a moment. You might discover the view is rather different.

The quality of your life is influenced by the quality of the questions you ask yourself.

Curiosity isn’t really about having answers.

It’s about asking questions that keep your mind open instead of closing it down. And if you tell yourself; “That’s interesting”, your brain immediately wants to know why. You’ll find other questions to boost your self awareness at VeryWellMind.com

Looking back, Aaron was right.

“What happened?”

We followed our curiosity.

We didn’t end up where we’d planned.

But perhaps that’s the point.

Curiosity isn’t efficient.

It isn’t tidy.

It doesn’t always produce the neat result we’d hoped for.

Sometimes it produces something much better.

In this case…

it produced this article.

Perhaps curiosity really is a gentle superpower after all.

For me, “That’s interesting…” is a key phrase. Not only because it helps me stay curious, but because I learn from people’s responses.

Without that pause, our expectations and judgements can quietly shape what we notice, what we miss, and what we assume.

If this post made you think, feel free to share it with someone else who might find it useful.

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Tags: Beliefs and values, Communication skills, Interpersonal skills, Language, Perception, Self-awareness, Thinking and mindset