Is kindness outdated, or are we just out of practice?

With the world seemingly wrapped in a daily dose of doom and gloom, it can feel as though kindness is slipping into the ‘endangered species’ category. With the constant barrage of negative news coming at us from every angle, it’s easy to wonder if empathy has packed its bags and left us for a sunnier planet.

But just when you think all is lost, someone does something so heartwarming, you can practically hear the world collectively sigh in relief.

Whether it’s a stranger helping someone cross a busy street or a dog that helps another animal in need (seriously, animals are sometimes better at this caring lark than we are), these moments of goodwill remind us that the human race might be worth saving after all.

Why does kindness have to be random?

Now, I love the idea of a random act of kindness. Who doesn’t? In fact why limit yourself to just one!? It’s like a surprise party for the soul. But then I started thinking—why do we only embrace kindness when it’s ‘random’?

Does it have to be a spur-of-the-moment thing, like accidentally buying two coffees and giving one to a stranger (or your co-worker who’s eyeballing it)?

Why can’t kindness be planned, like an adventure?

Imagine waking up and thinking, “Today, I’m going to be so kind that people will need sunglasses to shield themselves from my glow!” So, armed with a diary (yes, an actual paper one), I decided to plot out my kind deeds like a kindness ninja. I jumped online to gather more ideas. However, what I found left me a little… bewildered.

Common courtesy or kindness?

Some suggestions were golden nuggets of kindness, while others made me scratch my head and wonder, “Is this kindness or just common decency?”

The list included things like “Let a car merge in front of you,” or “Smile at a stranger.” Well, I mean, sure… but isn’t that just what most people do?

Or am I living in an alternate universe where opening doors for others is now a radical act of generosity?

To shed light on my confusion, I turned to the trusty dictionary for the definition of kindness which clarified it as “The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” Ok, well, if that’s the definition, then certainly a lot more things fall under the auspices of kindness. Apparently, kindness can cover a lot of ground, from grand gestures to simply not being a jerk.

Good to know.

Kindness in action: More than just holding the door open

In my research, I stumbled upon many lists offering ways to be kind, and while they had some overlap, some were…well basic!

• Pick up litter and pop it in a bin (bonus points for style if you do it like an Olympic shot-putter).
• Use a reusable cup, and feel smugly eco-friendly while you’re at it.
• Respond to emails or texts promptly.
• Support local businesses.
• Smile at people.

It got me thinking. I do these things all the time—I even actually greet people—out loud! But I never really considered them ‘acts of kindness.’ They’re just part of my daily routine, like brushing my teeth or avoiding the news.

Shouldn’t kindness be something that takes a little more thought, like paying for someone’s coffee or surprising a neighbour with a pie or cake?

Why is it engaging to be kind? (Besides the warm fuzzies)

The truth is, being kind is good for everyone involved. It warms the cockles of the giver’s heart and sends a little jolt of joy to the receiver. But when life gets overwhelming (hello, global chaos), we tend to retreat into ourselves.

We turn our focus inward, cocooning in our own little bubble of stress, anxiety and self-preservation. The more we listen to fear and negativity, the more we forget that our natural state is to connect and uplift one another.

The media’s harmful role

The media loves to churn out stories of greed and division. We stop noticing what other people might need, or thinking about how we could help. We listen to the media hype that promotes separation and selfishness and form unhelpful expectations about others behaviour.

We might buy in to the ‘me, me, me’ mentality that has us striving for the next purchase we believe will bring happiness.

But the hidden ingredient to happiness might just be kindness

This article explores the resurgence of kindness, highlighting scientific findings on how empathy and altruism are innate and beneficial to well-being.

It reviews studies showing that acts of consideration can reduce anxiety, improve social status, and even lower blood pressure. The article suggests that while the evidence is promising, more research is needed to fully understand kindness’s societal impact.

Kindness is presented as a transformative force that can ripple through communities. According to a 2010 study, witnessing kindness has a ripple effect, inspiring others to spread the love.

But, honestly? I think we all know this already!

No act is too small to create a ripple effect. Kindness doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. You don’t need to quit your job and become a full-time philanthropist to make a difference. As Scott Adams wisely said,

“There’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” 

Kindness affects both the giver and the receiver at a deep level, touching and connecting us through the magnetic energy than emanates from our hearts. Words are not needed. Consideration focuses us on the good in the world.

So, what’s the plan?

Whether you’re picking up litter or organising an epic kindness campaign, it all adds up. Let’s make empathy and compassion the new cool.

It doesn’t have to be random, though I won’t discourage you from spontaneous acts of goodwill. But why not make it part of your life plan? Whether you’re plotting out grand gestures or simply aiming to smile more at strangers, kindness is contagious.

It’s heartening to think that it might only take a small kindness to lift someone’s mood a little—or a lot; to restore faith in human nature and bring people closer together.

Ken Wilcox was feeling suicidal after losing a number of friends to AIDS and working for a ‘tyrant’ in Washington DC. It was a cold, January day in 1993. He was so miserable that after a bus came so close as to brush his sleeve, he decided to throw himself in front of the next bus. But then something happened. A woman walked towards him on the crowded street:

“She quite deliberately looked at me and sought out my eyes. And when we locked sight, she just gave me this beautiful, wonderful smile,” Wilcox said.

“She didn’t say anything to me. She just smiled at me. And that one smile was enough to keep me going to keep moving forward.”

“Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a persons life.” Jackie Chan

Let’s see if we can spread the love

I’ll kick it off!

I’ve prepared a little document with some ideas for a kinder world. Click here for your free copy of 50 Ideas for Random and Intentional Acts of Kindness.

I’d love to see your ideas for planned or random acts of kindness

What have you tried? What’s worked? And if you’re keen to make the world a more caring place (or at least your little corner of it), I’d love to hear your stories.

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Tags: Communication skills, Fun and laughter, Health and wellbeing, Interpersonal skills, Systems, Thinking and mindset